The F***ing Fair

There are many things I love to anticipate about the fall – going back to school, the beautiful weather, cozy sweaters and of course, the return of the fall fair.  I love the fair; at least, I used to love the fair.  Actually, I’m sure I will love the fair again as it approaches next fall but not right now. Right now I am tired, dizzy and broke. I’ve been smacked in the face with the reality of the fair not the family bonding; relive my childhood kind of fair I build up in my mind every year.

There is something nostalgic about the fair though. It never changes. You can count on the same rides and games and carnies.  The candy apples, cotton candy and caramel corn have tasted the same for some 30 odd years at least (kind of a scary thought actually).  I can remember going with my parents and sisters, then with my friends without parental supervision and then back from university to meet up with old friends and now with my own kids. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? 

This sense of nostalgia for the fair leaves me underprepared to handle the physical and emotional demands that the fair puts on me and all other parents. At times, I have no idea where one or more of my kids have run off to. While looking for my kids I am simultaneously helping one of my friends look for her misplaced child.  I am feeding my one and half year old whole hot dogs with no concern for the fact the she may choke or that maybe a hot dog isn’t the best meal choice for a baby in the first place. 

I have spent at least fifty dollars on tickets and know it’s not going to be enough.  I swat off carnies practically grabbing my kids into their games. But because you can’t leave the fair without letting your kid win a prize I throw my money at the ones that say “prize every time” and anticipate the look of disbelief on my kids face when instead of winning one of the GIGANTIC prizes hanging from the ceiling they win an unrecognizable and miniscule stuffed something or other.

And just when you think it can’t get any worse or any busier or any more stressful, the kids start getting tired.  And there is nothing worse than an overstimulated, junk food filled, tired child. Now one kid is crying, one is yelling at me and oh, there’s another one crying.  Wow. Do they even appreciate all of the MONEY I JUST SPENT ON THEM?

The joyful sounds of excitement and happiness that filled the house before the fair have been replaced by the crying and screaming of everyone in the car on the way home, including me.  Once home, we pull ourselves together, get tucked into bed with our new stuffed something or others and talk about what a great time we had at the fair. Without fail, someone always asks, “Can we go back tomorrow?” and the cycle of loving, hating and loving the fair is complete.

Football Feast

I fell in love with football when I fell in love with my husband.  Well, really I fell in love with the idea of football. There was something so right about spending cool Sunday afternoons in the fall cheering on the Bills with friends and eating delicious food. Ok, let’s face it, I fell in love with the food associated with watching football. We have football on every Sunday in our house but I’ve never actually sat down and watched a game.  I’m usually too busy eating and/or talking to be bothered with the game. 

Today, I’ve compiled some of my favourite things to make on football Sunday.  Sometimes I’ll make one of these and sometimes I make all of them. Most of these recipes have come from friends and when I tried them for the first time I knew they’d be perfect for a Sunday afternoon game.

Buffalo Wing Dip

Chicken Wings (hot and sweet)
Homemade Pizza         
Shredded BBQ Chicken on a Bun

I apologize for the lack of specific measurements. It’s really not that important. Dump the stuff in until it tastes good.

Buffalo Wing Dip…thanks to Janice and Jamie for this one.  The first time I had this I ended up moving the dish from the table to my lap to make devouring it easier.

1 250g pkg cream cheese

Blue cheese dressing (I am not a fan of blue cheese but it’s perfect in this)
Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Wing Sauce
Shredded cheese
Fritos Original (the Scoops worked best but they don’t make them anymore)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In some sort of shallow dish (I use a pie dish or smaller square dish…9 ½ by 11 would be too big…something half that size) spread the cream cheese. I usually microwave it just to make it easier to spread.

Pour on the blue cheese dressing to cover cream cheese in generous layer. Then, pour the wing sauce over top and use a spatula to spread it around. You probably won’t want to use as much of this…you’ll have to make it a few times to see how hot you like it. 

Top with some shredded cheese and bake until bubbling.  Serve with Fritos or any other chip or nacho you have around. Delicious!

Wings…thanks to my brother-in-law Nick for this. His actual recipe is a little more sophisticated but this one will do.

Wings (2 packages of split wings)

Salt and pepper
Cornmeal
Diana Sauce (Chicken and Rib)
Hot sauce (Franks or your own)
Honey
Butter
One lemon
One lime

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Toss wings in cornmeal that had been seasoned with salt and pepper. Bake for 40 minutes. Always check to see that they’re fully cooked.

In one bowl, combine half of the bottle Diana Sauce, hot sauce (amount depends on how hot you want the wings) and squeeze the juice from half of lime.  Toss half of the wings (still hot from the oven) in sauce and serve right away or put back in the oven until you’re ready to serve them.

In a second bowl, combine half a bottle of Diana Sauce, a generous squeeze of honey and the juice of half of a lemon.  Follow directions from above.

Homemade Pizza…made for me by Brian when I was pregnant. It was the most delicious pizza I had ever tasted!

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

1 can diced tomatoes                                      

1 can tomato paste                                        

Fresh Mozzarella (comes in a ball) sliced into ¼ inch thick slices
Orange or yellow pepper (cut into thin slices and in halves)

2 cloves garlic (finely chopped)                 

1 small onion (cut into slices like the pepper)
Flat bread (I’ve been using the PC flat bread)
Olive oil                                                               
Oregano
Brown sugar

Lightly brown the garlic in the olive oil in a sauce pan.  Add the can of tomatoes and tomato paste and boil gently until it is thick (just so the extra water from the tomatoes is boiled away).  Add 2-3 tablespoons of brown sugar and some oregano. Simmer for another 20 minutes. Be sure to stir.  I can usually freeze about half of this for the next time. Set aside.

Heat more olive oil in a mediem pan and add peppers and onions, sautee until tender.

Spread generous amount of sauce onto flatbread and then spread the onions and peppers overtop. Top with the slice mozzarella, you’ll use about 9 slices.  Put directly on rack in oven and bake for around 15 minutes. Cheese should be bubbling.

Shredded BBQ Chicken on a Bun   A slow cooker gem.  Once you’ve tasted one, you’ll be hooked.

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1 jar Chicken and Rib Diana Sauce
2 celery stalks – diced
8-10 good white buns (please don’t ruin with wheat or Wonder buns)
butter

Boil the chicken breasts until they are cooked through. Then, cut them up into cubes and toss in the slow cooker. Add diced celery and Diana Sauce and stir.  Turn slow cooker onto low setting and cook for 6-8 hours.  When you’re ready to eat, take a whisk to the chicken and it should shred.

Cut buns in half, butter and place on some sort of griddle to lightly toast.  Pile on the shredded chicken and voila, you’re a hero.

Go Bills Go!

Poo in the Toilet… Among Other Things

There are, of course, many things that one discovers along the way of being a parent. One discovery I was not prepared for was the amount of times I would find unflushed poo in the toilet left behind by our resident poop bandit. It is a disgusting and dirty little secret that those of us with young children share. Each ‘discovery’ is a slightly disturbing event but it is dealt with quickly and without too much drama.  I  shake my head, yell out to anyone who might be listening that “there’s poo in the toilet again” and carry on to better things…which is just about anything.

To compound the problem, I have more than one poop bandit on the loose.  I have brought each of the suspects into the bathroom to try and shame with them with the evidence.  But they don’t fall for it.  They quickly try and transfer the blame to their sibling in an attempt to divert the focus off of them. As they’re running out the door, I’m yelling after them, “Well if you’re not flushing the toilet, what else aren’t you doing?” I cringe at the thought.

My laissez-faire attitude about poo in the toilet has had me scrambling on more than a few occasions. My attempt at creating a beautiful atmosphere in my home can quickly become undone upon a guest excusing themselves to the bathroom. A shot of fear runs through me as I remember that I forgot to do a last minute check.  I try to read their expression when they come back. Have they found us out? Do they think we’re gross? It’s like a public shaming and I can’t even defend myself because I’m too afraid to know the truth.

And poo in the toilet is just the tip of the iceberg. It’s as if my kids are conspiring against me in my efforts to project the image I work so hard for.  Our guests might also find an empty toilet paper roll and/or no hand towel. Or maybe there is a hand towel but it’s visibly dirty and damp and in a heap on the floor.  Books are tattered and torn and board games are missing pieces. There are pen marks on our beautiful butcher block and the list goes on and on.  There are even things that I’m too ashamed to ever write about. It’s not that I don’t care about our things. I do care. I care a lot. But my will has been worn down and poo in the toilet, soiled lines and unwashed hands seem quite normal at this point.

Then there are the glorious moments when you realize that it could be worse and actually is at someone else’s house. I was wrapping up a nice visit with a good friend one day when I excused myself to the loo. I must say I was shocked (and relieved) at the sight of poo in the toilet at someone else’s house.  Without flushing (I should have) I left and went to another bathroom. To my surprise I had come upon more poo in the toilet.  This was precedent setting. I have stumbled upon a lot of unfinished business before but two? Never.  “Oh for God’s sake,” was all I heard from the other room. She was a comrade in the trenches in the war to restore order.

When I finally composed myself, I thanked my friend for a good laugh and the comfort in knowing that the poop bandit strikes (sometimes often) in other homes too.  I left satisfied in the reassurance that the goings on in my house are going on in other people’s house as well.  Before having kids, I never would have guessed that this would be the natural order of things. I probably would have even judged. Now, I’m off to set a trap to try and catch the poop bandit in the act!

A Rainy Day

Ah, the joy of a rainy day.  I tend to be a bit of a homebody so, to me, rained out days are a gift from nature.  They offer me a chance to spend the day indoors to rediscover treasures in my house, clean a neglected space or to curl up on the couch with a good book or watch a great movie.   Rainy days are a reprieve from working and playing and visiting outside because when nice weather calls one just has to answer and embrace it.

I think it’s equally important to answer the call of the rainy day. It has such a bad reputation for ruining weekend plans and dampening people’s spirits.  I should acknowledge that as I sit and write this on a weekend that is calling for only rain, we have no such weekend plans to be spoiled.  Stay tuned for Rainy Days-Part Two –The Wretched Rain.

But it’s not the wretched rain today. Today we will spend the day happy to hear thunder and the pattering of rain on the roof. Today we will have friends over, clean the basement, have more friends over and end the night on the couch watching a movie – the same way we started the day.