Saturday, 31 December 2011

My Resolve to Resolute

I have a love/hate relationship with making New Year’s resolutions.  Some years I am inspired by the thought of them and other years I am just annoyed and I avoid them all together.  Last year, there were no resolutions. Why make something that was just meant to be broken? But this year, for whatever reason, I am being pulled towards making them and it feels good.

I sometimes forget how important goal setting is and I was reminded by a visit with an incredibly motivated, driven and successful friend of mine.  Making some New Year’s resolutions is just a given for her. I am pretty sure she not only has yearly goals but monthly, weekly and daily too.  Not me.  I don’t like to do anything I know I won’t succeed at so I generally just don’t set goals.  But not this year.  Nope. This year (well, right this second anyway) I am feeling the inspiration to aim a little higher.

My New Year’s resolutions for this year are to wear more colour, to take better care of my back and to be more affectionate towards my husband.  I don’t want to be too ambitious with these.   I am not setting myself up for failure here.  I think these are well rounded and perfectly attainable goals. Don’t misunderstand me; I didn’t say they would be easy.  My entire wardrobe is black or one of several shades of gray and sometimes just a sideways look from my husband can make me irritated with him for the rest of the day.  But, I am off to a great start already.  Right this very second I am wearing my new purple hoodie, I have booked myself a massage and chiropractic appointment for next week and Eric and I walked hand in hand almost all the way to a friend’s party this week.  I’d say I have pretty much conquered 2012’s resolutions.

Ah but wait, resolutions aren’t meant to be a one-time thing. They are meant to help pursue small but meaningful and long lasting life changes.  If we don’t take time to try and be better, we probably won’t be. It’s very easy to just let life keep rolling on and to just roll with it.  I am constantly trying to improve my husband and kids.  I think it’s only fair that I hold myself to the same personal improvement plan.  So I guess a purple hoodie in my closet and a relaxing massage next week don’t quite spell victory… yet.  Here’s hoping they stick and that I come out of 2012 brighter, stronger and even more in love.

Sunday, 25 December 2011

The Christmas Card

I have the Christmas card that Eric gave for me this year sitting beside me for my inspiration today.  I love cards. I think they’re a great way to take a moment to let someone know how you’re feeling and it captures just a little bit of your relationship with that person at the time.  I love to find the ‘perfect’ card for people. It takes a certain kind of skill to find just the right card and I am particularly good at it.

Back to my inspiration – the message in this year’s Christmas card from Eric read, and I quote, “Thanks for a great 2011. Looking forward to a fun 2012! Hope you have a great Christmas.” (Stop for a moment of uncomfortable silence…). Apparently, my husband did not read my last piece of writing that specifically mentioned not writing general messages that could be given to anyone. I was speechless. Actually, I wasn’t speechless at all. Are you kidding me?  I had to reread the message again. Is that it?  Jesus. I was expecting a lengthy note about what an amazing mother and wife I am and how I have made this time of year so special for our family. I mean, it didn’t have to be in those exact words but somewhere in the general ballpark. I guess I’m not as ‘great’ as I thought I was. 

Eric did redeem himself with my Christmas gifts.  They were wrapped in beautiful paper which is also something I love.  He did however forget to put any of my wrapped presents under the tree so that I would be able to admire the beautiful paper…maybe next year.  One of my gifts was piano music for Adele’s Someone Like You, which was an incredibly thoughtful gift. It was also slightly incriminating as it proves he does read this blog and should have known better than to ever write a message like that in my card.

What this ‘incident’ points out is that my expectations are just too high. If you know me at all you’ll know I would never say that.  What this incident really points out is that people do for others what they ultimately would like in return.  If you give someone space during a difficult time, than space is probably what you would like during those times.  If you shower your friends with gifts, you’re probably hoping for a little loot yourself.  We all speak to each other and try to show our love for one another in different ways (read more with The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman).

I’ll go tuck this card away now, potentially never to be pulled out again.  I guess I need to appreciate that not everyone uses words in the same way that I do. And just because Eric didn’t write me a gift of writing to capture ‘us’ right now, I’m sure he appreciates me just the same (I hope so anyway).  Well done to those of you who took the challenge. I’m sure the recipients appreciated them very much.  Hell, who am I kidding, I’m going to go and ask Eric to try again. I’ll find the writer in him yet.

Merry Christmas!

Saturday, 17 December 2011

Gifts of Writing - A Christmas Challenge

Every year at Christmas I have my students write poems to someone in their family to give as a gift at Christmas. They groan and beg not to have to do it but, in the end, they are always happy that I made them and they are always excited to take home their gift.  We talk about why a gift of writing is special - it’s personal, it took a special kind of effort so it shows how much you care, they last and they’re free.

Every January the kids come back to school with tales of sobbing mothers, teary eyed fathers and appreciative siblings who will treasure their gifts of writing forever.

I have decided to challenge you, my faithful readers (thanks for that by the way) to write your own gift of writing. I’ve included the tips I share with my students and that I have used to write my own gift which you’ll find below.

If you’re feeling really brave, post your piece in the comment section for everyone to enjoy. Now, find a quiet space, or a comfy seat at your favourite coffee shop and...happy writing!

Tips:

          choose something specific to write about - don’t be too general. Select a memory, tradition, ritual that is special or write about what is unique about them or your relationship. Avoid a ‘Hallmark’ poem that could be given to anyone (no offence to Hallmark, you make great cards!)

           it doesn’t have to be about Christmas

          consider using your own handwriting instead of typing, it’s more personal. I wrote mine out on nice Christmas paper.

Mia’s Magic

You have become the magic of my Christmas
My own little me spreading Christmas joy wherever you go

Admiring each beautiful, sparkling ornament
as you pull them out from their year long slumber
Placing them thoughtfully on each bough
Stepping back to admire your work

Racing to your advent calendar every morning
Colour coding the mini ornaments as you go
Hovering over your Christmas puzzle
Intent on its completion before you step away

All of these years, I’ve enjoyed the job of
bringing Christmas to our family
But now I have you, my very own angel
Whose beautiful and happy spirit
is beside me all the way

Saturday, 10 December 2011

White Nightmare

I have previously written that I sometimes think my children conspire against me and my efforts to keep a nice house. But, on a recent trip home to visit our family in Buffalo, I learned that their efforts are not just concentrated in our home but in the homes of others as well.

My brother and sister-in-law very recently moved into their brand new 4800 square foot house.  It is stunning.  No detail has been overlooked. It’s the kind of house that makes it sad to go home to your own house which you thought was perfectly fine before you left.  It’s decorated in soft colours with beautiful dark hardwood and light carpet under foot.  The family room is particularly beautiful. It is done is shades of white. White chairs, a white couch, white ottomans and white carpet.  I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Now, my in laws are not without children.  They have a daughter the same age as our youngest. But let’s be clear here.  One daughter, a first daughter, is not the same as having multiple children of various ages.  Our youngest is a wild animal compared to her cousin.  It’s like comparing the Tasmanian devil to a fairy princess.  What I’m really saying is that they still actually have control and rules over their daughter where we’re just happy if no one is crying.

After taking my first tour of their newly finished ‘palace’ and sharing my admiration the first clue that things were to go awry showed itself. I could hear screams of delight slightly muffled by the sound of plastic wheels being shuffled along the hardwood floors.  Now, at our house, our plasma cars have their own race track that winds its way around our main floor. The proof is in the permanent marks left on our very nice laminate flooring.  On instinct, I practically dove in front of the Barbie car that my niece was being recklessly pushed around on like an Indy car driver.  I was terrified to look and see what damage had been done.  Thankfully, this hardwood was apparently more durable then our lovely laminate and the kids were given the go ahead to carry on.

Over dinner, my two daughters were seated at their cousin’s very charming Pottery Barn table and chair set for children.  My anxiety began climbing when the pushing started.  And it was my youngest that was to blame. Back and forth, back and forth, again over the hardwood floors went the table. I told them to stop a hundred times. Eric, are you seeing this???  I would later see my sister in-law subtly inspecting the floor underneath the table. I was too afraid to ask if there were any marks. 

Then, the return to dinner. You see, my children can never just finish their meal in one sitting. Oh no. They leave and come back to the table several times before the meal is officially over. This is when things took a really bad turn.  Again, it was my youngest. She crawled up to island where the grownups were eating and helped herself to some more pizza.  She then climbed down and headed for the family room. Now, when I say family room, I don’t mean my family. Oh no, this family room was not designed for this family.

It all happened so fast. One minute she was beside us with pizza sauce on her face and the next she was running faster than Usain Bolt and she was headed straight for the white, very expensive, brand new chair (did I mention the chair is white?).  Eric’s attempt to catch her was futile. We all just watched in horror as she dove face first into the white seat cushion. A gasp could be heard from the mouths of all four adults.  Why did we order pizza? It was a reckless decision.

We immediately went into action.  I was on the ipad googling any tips for cleaning pizza sauce off of a white, very expensive, brand new chair. My sister-in-law was working like a trauma doctor in an emergency room, trying desperately to save the life of the fabric.  Once we realized we had done all that we could, we just waited for the cushion to dry to see if it was going to make it.  My sister-in-law was very gracious considering inside she probably wanted to kill all of us.

I want to be welcome into the homes of others, three children and all.  But are we only safe in worn out shabby homes like ours?  Places where the carpet and furniture were once new too but have been maimed in the battle of living with children who believe every room in the house is a dining space.  This would exclude us from a lot of lovely homes and the homes of a lot of lovely people.  Or maybe we just continue being us, grimy hands and faces and all, and continue counting on the graciousness of our hosts who make us feel comfortable even under the circumstances described above.

The next day, I asked my brother-in-law how the white, expensive, new cushion was doing and he said you couldn’t see it at all…well, my sister-in-law still could but she was really looking.  I felt a flood of relief that we had not permanently ruined the chair.  The relief left as quickly as it came when he added that she was more upset about the purple yogurt on the walls and carpet that she found once we had left. Great.




Thursday, 1 December 2011

A Tribute to my Dad

~A tribute to my Dad who died ten years ago today, December 2, 2001~

Ten years ago, on December 2, 2001, my father passed away suddenly. It was a devestating time and those early days still haunt me. But time has helped to heal that raw pain and allowed me to see beyond my grief. Now, I stand in wonder of the man I knew as Dad. How does one pay proper tribute to someone who was larger than life? To someone who left his life far earlier than he ever should have. I have been thinking about this piece for quite some time, as the ten year anniversary of his death approached. What could I say to properly acknowledge the man he was? How could I possibly put into words how much he meant to all who knew him and how much he has been missed over these last ten years? My father’s spirit was a generous and happy one. He left a legacy of being an amazing husband, father, son, friend, brother, neighbour and educator.

I am always so proud to tell people who my dad was. I am always so happy when people stop to share a story with me about him.  He was kind and he was sincere and he was loved by all who knew him.  This was a man who made breakfast every morning for his wife and dinner every night for our family.  He did all of the grocery shopping and all of the baking.  I know you don’t believe a man like this could possibly exist, but he did. We were spoiled by his generosity and we all wish we could go back and show him the gratitude he deserved.  Still, he knew we loved him and we know he loved us and that has to be enough.

One of the only things I can remember about his funeral was during the eulogy from his best friend, Dave.  He told the mourning audience that, “I know of no man who could overall an engine and then go into the house and make ginger snap cookies.” There are so many memories and stories that I could share, but I’m going to leave you with just one that is fitting for this time of year.

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Every year on Christmas Eve, for many years beginning when I was just a young child, my family’s very own Secret Santa would pay us a visit. Every Christmas morning, my sisters and I would run to the front door to find what secret Santa had left us.  My dad tried in vain to figure out who was paying us these magical visits. He would wait up until all hours trying to catch them in the act.  One year, he even followed the tracks left in the snow out of our front door and around the block. He suspected a few people but was never able to discover their true identity.

We were always sure that our Secret Santa came to us because of Dad and the Christmas Eve after his death we received this letter from them.

Dear Bowman Family,                                                                                                                  
Christmas 2001

No one can imagine how difficult this Christmas is for you and with that in mind, we debated about continuing the “Secret Santa”. Since it all started through the kindness and concern of one very special person, Peter Bowman, we decided that he would not want it to stop. Instead, we thought we would tell you how it all began.

Approximately seventeen years ago, in the staff room of Juliet Public School, a very concerned teacher came through the staff room door with a dilemma.  It seems that Peter had told his Grade 7 class that they should be cautious about making comments regarding Santa Claus on the playground as many primary students in the school still believed that Santa Claus was real.  Apparently, after saying this, one young girl in his Grade 7 class became very upset and said that she still really did believe in Santa Claus.  After much staff room discussion, the final comment was, “Surely by the time you reach Grade 7, you know there isn’t a real Santa Claus!”

This seemed to convince Peter that the young girl in his classroom was just looking for a bit of attention, but in the days to follow, he mentioned it to me often, “Do you really think she still believed in Santa Claus?” That year, we decided to remind Peter that there is a Santa Claus and we related it to the story ‘Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus’ and so – Secret Santa has been visiting ever since and enjoying every moment of it.

I only worked for your husband and father for a short time but have been in his company on and off for the past seventeen years.  He was one of the most conscientious and caring people I have ever met – one who touched the lives of many people and encouraged many of their personal worth.  Whenever I met him he talked of his wonderful family and how proud he was of his daughters. He truly was an inspiration to all of us.

Now, not only do I believe in Santa but I believe in angels too. For God to take someone so special from here on earth, there must be a much more important role for him in Heaven. 

God Bless Your Family,
Secret Santa

We miss you Dad and we are so sad not to have had you with us all of these years.