I think I once wrote that I didn’t mind the few extra pounds
I put on around Christmas time. I must have written that bit of crap after
walking by a skinny mirror. Because right now - with those few (six) extra
pounds I have put on since summer that are pressing not so gently against the
button of my pants - I mind a lot.
I have committed several times over to gaining some control back in terms of my eating. But it is like some sort of sick self-sabotage. As soon as I decide I want to be less gluttonous my body revolts by binging on anything and everything it can. The other day was going to be ‘the’ day. You know, the first day of it all. The first day, as anyone who has ever attempted to lose weight knows, is the most important day of the weight loss process. Anyway, I was doing so well right up until four o’clock. It was then that all the sacrifice I had made in the last nine, long hours came undone. It started with a plate of spaghetti followed immediately by two bowls of Frosted Flakes. Feeling satisfied (as if I had been stranded without food for days) I thought the relapse was over. But, upon returning from a brief excursion I proceeded to make myself a large plate pancakes smothered in butter and syrup. I had consumed an entire day’s worth of food in just a few short hours; another day one, another shameful failure.
I am certainly not interested in losing weigh with the
latest trend in weight loss. I’d rather
be glutton free than gluten free. And I’d rather eat less, real food than drink
a shake made from a powder. I don’t need a fad diet to help me lose weight. I
need will power! I need to eat less than the (well over) 2000 calories a day I
am currently consuming. I know lots of people who prefer these methods (my
sister included) but they require a whole other level of commitment that I am
just not prepared to give.
What I also need is a boot camp and I need it badly. Not
that I really want go through all that work again. And at this point I would need
a pre-boot camp just to get me in shape enough for a proper boot camp. Oh these
first world problems of mine.
One day my ‘first day’ effort will hold and then, if I am
lucky, I will have a succession of days when the chip bag stays closed, the row
of cookies untouched and the cereal (late at night) stays in the cupboard.
Don’t get me wrong. I love food (obviously) and I have a healthy
relationship with it. It’s just at this moment - when parts of my body are
touching other parts of my body that should really be nowhere near each other -
the time for action has come. And action will come. Soon. I hope.
